My Mother....

So this is a funny email I got....


1.* My Mother taught me: TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE *.
'If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning.'

2.* My Mother taught me: RELIGION*.
'You better pray that will come out of the carpet.'

3.* My Mother taught me: TIME TRAVEL *.
'If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next week!'

4.* My Mother taught me: LOGIC*.
' Because I said so, that's why.'

5.* My Mother taught me: MORE LOGIC *.
'If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to
the store with me.'

6.* My Mother taught me: FORESIGHT.**
*'Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident .'

*7. My Mother taught me: IRONY**
*'Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about.'

*8. My Mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS **
*'Shut your mouth and eat your supper.'

*9. My Mother taught me:CONTORTIONISM.**
*'Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!'

*10. My Mother taught me about STAMINA.**
*'You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone.'

*11. My Mother taught me: WEATHER **
*'This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.'

*12. My Mother taught me:HYPOCRISY.**
*'If I told y ou once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!'

*13. My Mother taught me: THE CIRCLE OF LIFE.**
*'I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.'

*14. My Mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.**
*'Stop acting like your father!'

*15. My Mother taught me: ENVY.**
*'There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have
wonderful parents like you do.'

*16. My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION*.
'Just wait until we get home.'

17.* My Mother taught me: RECEIVING *.
'You are going to get it when you get home!'

18.* My Mother taught me: MEDICAL SCIENCE*.
'If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
way.'

19.* My Mother taught me: ESP*.
'Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?'

20.* My Mother taught me: HUMOR*.
'When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me.'

21.* My Mother taught me: HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT* .
'If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up.'

22.*My Mother taught me: Genetics**
*'I swear you're just like you father.'

23. *My Mother taught me about my Roots.**
*'Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?'

24. *My Mother taught me: Wisdom**
*'When you get to be my age, you'll understand.'

25. And my favorite: *My Mother taught me about Justice**
*'One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you.'