What if Dr. Suess Wrote the Book of Mormon?

Hey everybody! Just to celebrate school getting out, (and seminary) I'd like to share with you an Email I got that I find funny. Enjoy!

What if Dr. Seuss Wrote the Book of Mormon?

Nephi:
Of goodly parents I was born
I've never drunk, I've never sworn
This is Lehi, he's my dad
Laman, Lemuel, they are bad
And who is this? Why this is Sam.
Sam:
Yes, this is Sam; Sam I am
Laman:
That Sam I am, that Sam I am
I do not like that Sam I am
Sam:
In a tent, my father dwelt
Laman:
And it's so hot, I think I'll melt
Lemuel:
Our father's brain is out of whack
Laman:
Yeah, it's too hot, I'm going back
Lehi:
Then go and get the plates, my dear
Laman:
On second thought, I'm staying here
Nephi:
You said you'd leave and go away
Now all you want to do is stay?
Lemuel:
That Nephi always gets his way
Laman:
Here we are in this damp cave
Sam:
We would not be here if you'd behave
Nephi:
I will go and I will do
There's the angel, that's my cue
Laban's had too much to drink
Now he'll lose his head, I think
Nephi:
Look what I found, a brother from the quorum
Sam:
We will take him home, we will call him Zoram
Laman:
Our gold and silver we have spent
I do not like it in this tent
Lemuel:
I cannot read the Liahona
I must have drunk too much Corona
Laman:
We hate it here, we have no lives
Lehi:
Then go back to the city and get some wives
Lehi:
A tree, a tree, I see a tree!!
The fruit is white, the fruit is free!
A floating building, could it be?
Why do they laugh and stare at me?
Laman, Lemuel, come and see!
Laman:
We will not eat your precious fruit
Lemuel:
We will not wear a tie and suit
Laman:
We will not help you build your boat
Lemuel:
We do not think that it will float
Laman:
No not this boat, it will not float
Not even in a shallow moat
I do not care what Nephi wrote
Lemuel:
We will not eat your fruit I say
Laman:
We will not eat it on a tray
Lemuel:
And we won't eat it in a tent
Not even if your clothes you rent
Laman:
We'd rather have a can of spam
L&L:
We will not eat it, Sam I am
Sam:
You do not like it, so you say
Try it, try it, and you may
Try it and you may I say
Laman:
Sam, if you will let us be,
We will try it, you will see
L&L:
Say, we like this fruit of life
Sorry that we caused such strife
You've saved us from an awful jam
Thank you, thank you, Sam I am!

Things to do When You're Bored

So, once upon a time I was really bored. So, I looked up things that I could do when bored. I got to this really funny website entirely devoted to boredom! Here are some of my favorite things that I found:

Blink wildly and then close your eyes really tight for an interesting light show
(Amusement Potential: 1-5 minutes)
See a variety of blobs, stars and flashes. Try to make out shapes and see if your subconscious is trying to send you a message

Try to not think about penguins
(Amusement Potential: 1-5 minutes)
This is especially hard, because by trying too much, you remember what you were trying to avoid thinking of. If you try too little, you end up thinking about penguins anyway.


Use your secret mind power
(Amusement Potential: 5-10 minutes)
Pick a passing by and try to use your mind power to command them do something, like drop their bag or knock into someone. The law of averages dictates that sooner or later one of your mind commands will come true, so you can convince yourself that you really have super human powers and waste even more time trying them out.
 
Scratch yourself
(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)
Go ahead, scratch yourself now. Even if nothing itches, go ahead. Doesn't that feel pretty good?

Pretend you're a robot
(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)
Walk down the street with mechanical movements, adding 'zzzzzt' sounds with each motion. Pretending to have a motor broken in, say, your left hand can add at least 30 seconds more entertainment.


Repeat the same word over and over until it loses its meaning
(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)
Pick a random word out of a magazine and say it aloud to yourself until it becomes a meaningless set of noises.

Try to swallow your tongue
(Amusement Potential: 1-2 minutes)
There's not much to say about this one. It is possible, but really stupid.

Invent a weird twitch
(Amusement Potential: 5-10 minutes)
Adopt a bizarre twitch (e.g. flicking your head irregularly, twitching with eye or busting out sporadic cough noises) and try it out when you go shopping.

Try and sound Welsh
(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)
The key to sounding Welsh is to make sure that your voice goes up at the end of the sentence, so that everything sounds like a question. Throw in a superfluous 'isn't it?' at the end of everything you say and you're halfway there. Isn't it?


Stare at the back of someone's head until they turn around
(Amusement Potential: 2-5 minutes)
This works on the "I have the feeling I'm being watched" principle. Conduct an experiment-does this really work?

Have a "Who is less competitive" competition
(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)
Trying to win at this will make you lose. Trying to lose makes you win which makes you lose. Not trying at all makes you lose which makes you win which makes you lose.