My favorite comic strip of all time is Calvin and Hobbes. I found this web site called http://chquotes.synthasite.com/calvin-and-hobbes-quotes1.php
It has a lot of Calvin and Hobbes quotes in it that are funny! See if you can name who says them! (I can!) Here is the shortened version:
That’s the difference between me and the rest of the world! Happiness isn’t good enough for me! I demand euphoria!
This one’s tricky. You have to use imaginary numbers, like eleventeen …
Weekends don’t count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.
“Work fascinates me, I can watch it for hours.”
“I’ve got plenty of common sense…. I just choose to ignore it.”
“Girls are like slugs, they probably serve some purpose, but it’s hard to imagine what!”
“Why waste time learning, when ignorance is instantaneous?”
"If it was completely different, school would be great."
Where do we keep all our chainsaws, Mom?
“Summer is butter on your chin and corn mush between every tooth.”
“It’s a cruel season that makes you get ready for bed while it’s light out.”
"Shock and titillate me! I've got money!
It’s no use! Everybody gets good enemies except me.
It's only work if somebody makes you do it
Reality continues to ruin my life.
So the secret to good self-esteem is to lower your expectations to the point where they're already met?
To make a bad day worse, spend it wishing for the impossible.
What's the point of wearing your favorite rocketship underpants if nobody ever asks to see 'em?
“I think we dream so we don't have to be apart so long. If we're in each other's dreams, we can be together all the time.”
“Some days even my lucky rocketship underpants won't help.”
“Well, remember what you said, because in a day or two, I'll have a witty and blistering retort! You'll be devastated THEN!”
“Careful. We don't want to learn from this.”
“History is the fiction we invent to persuade ourselves that events are knowable and that life has order and direction.”
“I can't tell if that's funny or really scary.”
Life is full of surprises, but never when you need one.
They say winning isn't everything, and I've decided to take their word for it.
“Unfortunately for my report, mom caught me and I didn't get to see how it ended.”
I find my life is a lot easier the lower I keep everyone's expectations.
If something is so complicated that you can't explain it in 10 seconds, then it's probably not worth knowing anyway.
Nothing helps a bad mood like spreading it around.
A good compromise leaves everybody mad.
I hate being good (or trying to fake it).
But I like my idea better.
You know what we need, Hobbes? We need an attitude.
Idiocy is the essence of the male mind. (Amen!- Me)
I thought my life would seem more interesting with a musical score and a laugh track.
You know you'll hate something when they won't tell you what it is.
It's not denial. I'm just selective about the reality I accept.
As a math atheist, I should be excused from this.
I can always get by on my good looks and charm!
Homework, I command thee, BE DONE!
Somehow I imagined this experience would be more rewarding.
I don't DO math anymore. I decided I'm more of a visual person. -Visualize being the only 45-year-old in the first grade.
Boy, rough life, huh? What have YOU done today?!
I'm happy, but it's not like I'm ecstatic.
I'd explain it, but there's a lot of math.
There's no head rest on this chair! I should sue for whiplash!
I asked Mom if I was a gifted child...she said they certainly wouldn't have paid for me.
The only skills I have the patience to learn are those that have no real application in life.
Mom and Dad say I should make my life an example of the principles I believe in...But everytime I do, they tell me to stop it.
What assurance do I have that your parenting isn't screwing me up?
OK, so I was wrong for once in my life! Shut up.
“I propose we leave math to the machines and go play outside.”
“People pay more attention to you when they think you’re up to something.”
“Getting an inch of snow is like winning 10 cents in the lottery.”
I go to school, but I never learn what I want to know.
From now on, I'm not doing anything I don't want to do! The world owes me happiness, fulfillment and success.... I'm just here to cash in.
I have a hammer! I can put things together! I can knock things apart! I can alter my environment at will and make an incredible din all the while! Ah, it's great to be male!
“A smoke grenade, a gas mask, and a helicopter……. that’s all I ask.”
I'm looking for something that can deliver a 50-pound payload of snow on a small feminine target. Can you suggest something? Hello...?
“Life is like topography, Hobbes. There are summits of happiness and success, flat stretches of boring routine, and valleys of frustration and failure.”